TWIN PEAKS "Oh God," said Howard, as the video began on MTV. "Silent Lucidity. The worst." Karen nodded. "The poor man's 'Comfortably Numb' by the poor man's Pink Floyd. Cheer up, Rich. What's wrong?" I just looked at her, astonished, as Howard ran the flame of his lighter back and forth under the freshly rolled joint. "Mood swing," he said. "Here," said Karen, tossing me a pink pill. Lithium. 300 milligrams. Karen and I both shared this particular quirk. "Very funny. I'll be fine after the break." "*I* know what you need," said Howard, clicking off the tv and put "Blonde on Blonde" into the cd player. So it was a cliche. It was a cliche that worked for us. The riotous carnival of "Rainy Day Women 12 & 35 began: "They'll stone you when you're trying to be so good-- They'll stone you just like they said they would. They'll stone you when you're trying to go ho-ho-home, They'll stone you when you're left all alone--" "Okay," said Karen. "punch lines. I'll start. Punch line to "I am the Walrus" Shrug. "Gesundheit." Howard contorted his face into some pained expression. "Howard?" "Punch line to Barton Fink." "Go on." "Wow, who'd a thought *she* was a virgin?" "Ick." "Rich?" "Punch line to Star Trek 2, Wrath of Khan." "CorDOba?" "Close..." "Zee plein, zee plein?" "Nope." "Well?" "I kin't hear you kiptin, there's something in my ear." "Ouch. Howard passed the joint to me and Karen said, "Oooh, I got one." "Punch line?" "No, just a joke. Why is it best to fuck a hen just after it's laid an egg?" "We give." "You get a nice, warm, dilated birthing canal." "Sweet Jesus," exclaimed Howard, choking out a laugh with some smoke. "She's RIGHT." "She *is*. But how does she *know*? That's what I find so disturbing." "I'm hungry," said Karen, standing and heading into the kitchen. "I'm gonna make a fig thing. Want one?" "Bring me back a Snicker's ice cream bar." I needed the chocolate fix. "I want both," said Howard. A fig thing is three or four fig newtons on a plate, microwaved for about thirty seconds, and covered with some Haggen- Dasz honey vanilla or rum raisin. We happened upon it one night while looking for the perfect thing to eat while stoned. But then we decided it's not really perfect because it's missing that all- important crunch. But the hot/cold part works nicely. So we were munching when Karen said, "I know you're gonna hate this but I'm *sure* Laura Palmer's still alive. It was Maddy that died." "Topical as ever, Karen." "I might have believed you once, but it's clearly Leland. And Bob, of course." "I don't care what Lynch and Frost say, I *know*." "You're stoned." "Regardless," she said, as a thin rivulet of ice cream traced a path from a corner of her mouth down her chin and on into the top of her loosely-fitting t-shirt. It was evident in a few seconds exactly where the ice cream was pooling. "*I* know. The characters have a life of their own. Laura is not dead." "You just know her *so* well." "I *do*. Her dark side. Her diaries." Karen had been obsessed with "Twin Peaks" for awhile, but we'd thought that was all past. We were wrong. "Laura Palmer, c'est moi." "Well then *I* am Heathcliff." Man, when had Howard ever read "Wuthering Heights"? "Well then I'm, uh, Garfield? Marmaduke?? Fred Bassett?? Shit. Well, *some*one." "No. I'm *serious*. Wait," she said. "I got one. Punch line to 'Silence of the Lambs.'" "Got me." "Well?" "Hello, Clarise? I'm going to DISNEYLAND!" Howard was right. I was feeling much better indeed. "Visions of Johanna" was the song. One of my all-time favorites. Dylan sang and I looked at Karen and thought about all the Johannas, all the people who walk in and out--women who'd made cameo appearances in my life. "--Ain't it just like the night to play tricks when you're trying to be so quiet? We sit here stranded though we're all doing our best to deny it. And Louise holds a handful of rain tempting you to defy it Lights flicker from the opposite loft; in this room the heat pipes just cough--" "Now look," said Karen, trying to draw me back to the planet, "we know all about Laura's dark side. She liked corrupting people. She could easily have lured her cousin into a life of drugs and illicit sex. *I* sure would have." She took a drag and continued. "It could easily have been Maddy who worked at One-Eyed Jacks and posed in Flesh World. And we don't know how long Maddy's been in Twin Peaks since she could always pass for Laura. So it's really Maddy who's killed in the railroad car and um, Leo and Laura discover the body together and Ronette escapes in the confusion. Remember, Donna's father won't do a detailed autopsy so he misses seeing all the details that would have given the whole thing away." And still Dylan sang: "--electricity howls in the bones of her face While visions of Johanna have now taken my place --He's sure got a lat of gall To be so useless and all Muttering small talk at the wall While I'm in the ha-all--" "That doesn't prove anything. Besides, Donna and James would have known if she was faking it, don't you think?" "--But Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues you can tell by the way she smiles--" I felt that chill go down my spine and my upper arms were soon gooseflesh. "No, that's the whole thing." said Karen.. *We* saw things that Donna and James never did. Like those tapes to Dr. Jacoby that she claims she found in the headboard of the bed, when actually she pulled them out of a big box, one that was way too big to fit in her headboard." "--Nobody feels any pain." Cool. Howard had programmed the cd player to go from "Visions of Johanna" to "Just Like a Woman"--a deadly one-two punch. "--inside the rain Everybody knows that baby's got new clothes But lately I see her ribbons and her bows. --She takes just like a woman (yes she does) She makes love just like a woman (yes she does) And she aches just like a woman But she breaks just like a little girl. "And," Howard says, "She does dial Donna's number without looking it up even though she supposedly only met Donna the day before." "Yes!." "--Queen Mary she's my friend--" I took a hit off another joint and handed it to Howard. "-- I think I'll go see her again--" I leaned back against the couch, exhaled, and hoped that Dylan, wherever he was, was in love.