RULES FOR REPORTING EQUIPMENT FAILURE 1. Never, never send for a shop guy until everyone remotely associated with the equipment has had time to fiddle with it. Beat on it as much as possible, taking care not to scuff the case. Punch all the buttons and switches, adjust any and all pots, and knobs, especially the ones you were told to never touch, even if you have to remove some panels to get to them. While you're at it be sure to lose as many parts as you can and still hold the thing together, at least till the shop guy gets there. Then you can tell him the last shop guy left it like that. 2. Never send directly for a shop guy. Always complain to your manager that the equipment has been down for ages. Why yes, you're sure there was a service call on it. Why no, you have no idea who called it in or when. 3. Before the shop guy arrives hide the manuals and or prints. Also ensure that at least two people are on duty. One who is not aware of where the equipment is much less what the problems are. The other should be as equally ignorant about the equipment but should have at least one of the following personal problems: If by any chance you can find someone with all three that would be wonderful: #1. He just bought a satellite system and needs to find out does the shop guy know how to fix his decoder, his brother said all he needs is a chip, does the shop guy have a spare one in his box. #2. He has a 1962 Philco color television that needs a little work. Does the shop guy do that at home, or could he tell him how to fix it? It has these little squiggly lines running through the picture, and the color is a little fuzzy but there can't be that much wrong with it can it? #3. He has a stereo that a little smoke came out of when junior hooked up that last set of speakers. It still works but it's hard to hear the music with that loud buzz, and it does smell kind'a funny. The stereo store wanted $100.00 to fix it, it only cost $79.95 new, what's a transistor, and does the shop guy have 6 that he could bum his friends out of. 4. Pile as much junk in front of the equipment as possible, then tell the shop guy you have a bad back, but if he needs any help let him know. 5. When he does finish, tell him what a great job he did, though he did take twice as long as the last man. What ever happened to him anyway? 6. Just before he leaves find the prints, and drawings and ask the shop guy if there is any thing else you can do to help. 7. After he's gone be sure to make any fine adjustments to get the equipment working like you think it should be. After all the shop guy doesn't work around this gear everyday and is not expected to know as much as you do about how it needs to work. 8. The next day when your manager ask how things are tell him the thing is worse off than it ever was and that shop guy didn't know what he was doing. 9. If number 8 pays off you will get a different shop guy altogether. Then you can go to number 3 and proceed with the rules all over again.