Newsgroups: alt.butt.harp,alt.postmodern
Subject: PAN PIZZA VS POSTMODERN FICTION AND CRITICISM
Message-ID: <1992May1.152243.989@tigger.jvnc.net>
From: richh@tigger.jvnc.net (RICHH)
Date: 1 May 92 15:22:43 GMT
Sender: news@tigger.jvnc.net (Zee News Genie)
Organization: JvNCnet, Princeton University, NJ
Article-I.D.: tigger.1992May1.152243.989
Originator: richh@tigger.jvnc.net
Lines: 123

         PAN PIZZA VS. POSTMODERN FICTION AND CRITICISM
 
PAN PIZZA                                      POSTMODERN FICTION
                                               AND CRITICISM
-------------------------                      -----------------------
Traces its nearest                             Has its roots in France.
ancestors back to                              <snicker, snicker>
Chicago-style pizza. Chicago,
birthplace of jazz and home to
the Cubs.
 
Leaves one feeling warm and                    <snicker, snicker>
full and profoundly satisfied.
 
 
Eating pan pizza is a sensual, sexy            There is nothing sexy about
experience.  Especially when a thread          postmodernism, unless you
of mozarella extends from the                  count the fact that Foucault
tip of the slice to your lower lip,            kinda sorta looked like
stretches, stretches, then snaps back          Patrick Stewart, only without
against your chin, leaving you and             the deeply resonant,
your partner dissolved in giggles, both of     car-selling, order-belaying
you recognizing the pizza's foreshadowing      voice.  Plus like, Foucault's
of the evening's later events.                 dead.
 
Making Pan Pizza is an art, requiring          Post-Modern criticism requires
careful blending of cheeses, sauces, dough,    little more than a facile
and toppings.                                  use of the word
Plus, they bring it to your                    "problematic".
table in 5 minutes at lunchtime.  And like,
it's real cheap even if you don't have a
coupon.
 
POSTMODERN FICTION                             PAN PIZZA
AND CRITICISM
------------------                             ---------
Post-modernists are fond of                    That "4 bucks 4 bucks 4
pointing out that while Western                bucks 4 bucks" girl in
metaphysics marginalizes                       the Pizza Hut commercials
masturbation, deconstruction stands            gets me hard.
this phallocentric notion on
its head, if you will, and shows that
intercourse is simply another form
of masturbation.
Thus, post-modern criticism becomes
he highest form of sex, surpassing even
self-fellatio and the Mongolian
cluster fuck.
 
Few people really get the distinction          Everyone likes pizza.
between 'differance' and 'difference'.
Fewer still care.
 
Hobbes said, "The life of man in the state     Everyone likes pizza.
of nature is nasty, ugly, brutish and short
So are many postmodern novels.
So, incidentally, is Bella Abzug.
 
One last time then:
 
This is your brain:
sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
sex sex sex sex sex sex you down with opp? yeah, you know mesex sex sex
sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex
what time is it sex sex sex sex sex sex I'm starved sex sex sex sex sex
 
 
This is your brain on the post-modern novel:
 
          angst
                                              huh?
 
          zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 
RICHH