Newsgroups: alt.butt.harp
Subject: RICHH:  KAREN'S SHINY WHITE TEETH
Message-ID: <1992May5.060418.10416@tigger.jvnc.net>
From: richh@tigger.jvnc.net (RICHH)
Date: 5 May 92 06:04:18 GMT
Sender: news@tigger.jvnc.net (Zee News Genie)
Organization: JvNCnet, Princeton University, NJ

     "Karen," I yelled, looking into my bathroom.  "Ka-ren."
     "What?" she yelled back, from my brother's room.
     "Would you come here please?  There's something I want to ask
you."
     The next thing I knew, she was standing next to me, wearing a
short, satiny robe with some Oriental motif on the back.  I looked
at her.  Being with my brother these past few  months hadn't done
her any harm, I saw.  She was eating better, her face had filled
out, she wasn't quite so pale and she just generally looked softer.
This transformation on a girl who was pretty to begin with had
produced quite a fetching--
     "What is it?" she asked.
     "Look in my bathroom, Karen.  On my sink.  What do you see?"
     "It's Shrapnel."  Shrapnel is my cat.
     "Good, good, now what is she doing?"
     Karen paused.  "Uh, she's licking your toothbrush?"
     "Very good."  I have one of those Interplak electric
toothbrushes. Right now the cat was licking it.  "Now tell me,
Karen, do cats normally lick the bristles of a toothbrush.  Is
this something anyone has *ever* seen a cat do?!  Is it?  Is it!?"
     "Um, no.  I guess."
     "So why is Shrapnel licking it, do you think?"
     She was shaking.  "I--I can't--I--"  She ran into my brother's
room and shut the door.  I walked over.  I heard her crying.
     "It's okay, Karen.  It doesn't bother me, honest.  It's just
this whole cat thing--.  Well, everyone has his limits, you know.
Karen, I can get you your own attachment.  Yours will be red, mine
blue.  How about that?"
     Her sobs increased in volume.  "Can I come in?"  I came in.
She was on the bed.
     "I'm so, I'm so, I--I--"
     "I know, I know.  It's okay, really.  I said I'll get you your
own attachment."
     This really set her off.  "It, it, Oh God, it only works if
it's, if it's--"
     "If it's what?  What?  I'll get you it.  It's okay.  Stop
crying."  I wiped a tissue over her cheeks and eyes.  "If it's
what?"
     "If it's yours.  Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh--"
     Oh no.  This was not good.  I mentally kicked myself for not
having seen something like this coming.
     "But Howard--"
     "I love Howard.  But he doesn't love me."
     What she said was true.  My brother was in love.  But not with
Karen, the real person.  He was in love with a feeling, an idea.
Probably just endorphins.  I *had* noticed he hadn't been eating
much chocolate lately.
     "I want him to love ME.  Help me, Rich.  Won't you help me?
Please??  I know you help *him*.  Can't you do the same for me?"
     I thought about this for a moment.  Heck, what could it hurt?
Besides, I was curious to try a few things. . .
     "Okay, but you have to do exactly what I say, okay?"
     "Okay."
     "You know that tape my brother has?  That porno tape?"
     "Which one?"
     "It's called 'Miss Directed'.  It's up there; you'll find it."
     "Okay, what do I do with it?  Those movies don't turn me on.
At all."
     "I know.  No one gets hurt."
     "Very funny.  I can't help it if, if--"
     "If your tastes run a little extreme?  If you've got a vanilla
boyfriend and you're pistachio ripple surprise?"
     She laughed.  "Okay, I'll find the tape.  Then what do I do?"
     "Well, watch the movie.  You'll find a scene where one of the
girls says 'I need more footage'.  Then she goes down on another
girl until the other girl comes."
     "Oh yeah, she squirts all over the place."
     "So you do know it."
     "I remember it.  But that stuff with lesbians does nothing for
me.  Nothing."
     "That's okay.  It doesn't matter.  This is what you do:  queue
the tape up to that part with the two girls.  Then be up in bed,
waiting for Howard to come home.  As he's coming up the stairs,
start the tape, and then pretend to, well, make like you're playing
with yourself."
     "Rich."
     "Well, you asked.  You wanted to know-- Close your eyes and
pretend it's footage of Nazi war atrocities, or whatever--"
     "Rich, do you think it's weird that you can talk to me like
this?"
     "You're an odd bird, Karen.  Nothing would surprise me--"
     "Okay, so I do what you say.  Then what?"
     "Well, my brother will wait at the door until you're done--"
     "He won't barge in and ravage me?"
     "Nope.  Not right away, at least."
     "And this will make him fall in love with me?"
     "Just do it."
     "But why?  I wanna know why.  Why will this work?"
     "All right, what it'll do is show my brother that the same
things turn you on that turn him on.  That you're not a psycho--"
     "--Bitch from Hell?"
     "Er, yeah.  He'll know that when your eyes glaze over in class
that you're daydreaming about the same things he is, he'll know
that when you close your eyes and throw your head back you're
sharing his thoughts as well as everything else.  He'll think
you're kindred spirits.  In fact, he may never *stop* thinking
about you.  We may not want something quite so, quite so--"
     "Too late.  I'm gonna do it."
     "Just leave my toothbrush alone, okay?"
     She laughed and blushed slightly.  "How long have you known--"
     "Since you started."
     "And it really didn't bother you?"
     "Why should it?"  I pulled an Oral-B out of my pocket.  "This
is *my* toothbrush."
 
RICHH