GAMES The kids are back, and they want to PLAY. "Break was sooooo boring," said Karen, in biker shorts and one of Maria's tie-died t-shirts. "Let's play something." Maria was there, in a flowery cotton skirt. Howard appeared, bong in hand. Somehow he'd managed to pick up some expensive black Afghan pot. It didn't much look like pot and it smelled like cinnamon rolls but it could punch you like George Foreman and it could take you back farther than dreams. As he lit up the bong the rest of us passed around the plastic bag and inhaled. It smelled really good. "Best-worst," said Karen. "What's 'best-worst'?" said Maria, who's been spending more and more time over here, and was trying to learn everything. "You'll see. I'll start. The best was--okay, remember the old Donnie and Marie Show?" "Uh huh." We all nodded. "Okay, remember how she would always sing I'm a little bit country and Donnie would sing I'm a little bit rock and roll? And like, you always kind of hoped they would *switch*. And then, one day, THEY DID. That was the fucking BEST." Maria dissolved into giggles. The bong moved around and was refilled. "All right," said Howard. "I got one. The worst is when you're at home, eating something, and your mom looks at what you've left on your plate and says 'You're not going to eat *that*? But that's the BEST PART.' I just wanna say 'No mom, it's not the best, it's the *worst* fucking part. If it was the best I'd eat it first but I never eat it do I? DO I?! All these years and it always gets thrown out. That's cause it's the worst. You burnt it, you always burn it, and it's the *WORST*" "Want a valium, dude?" "I *hate* that. It's the worst." "Maria?" "All right, I always thought the coolest was when Bugs Bunny would make a guest appearance on the Road Runner show. That was the best." "The best," said Karen. "Is when you take a dump and whoosh it all comes out and you wipe and there's nothing there. It's just a perfect shit." "Nice. Real nice." Maria got up and headed to the kitchen. "Bring back some soda." She did and drank some just as Howard said, "The worst is when you get that feeling, you know, like you're fucking into nothing. You know?" Maria half-choked and we all expected Pepsi to come out of her nose. It didn't. She hadn't quite adjusted to our level of familiarity. "Geez, Howard, don't beat around the bush. If you've got something to say, say it." "Yeah," said Karen "Fast-forward to the come shot." "Huh?" said Maria. Karen gave her this look. "Cut to the chase." "You're on the pill, right, Karen?" I said. "Yeah, but I *have* to be. My period's all fucked up and I get these killer cramps." "Besides, I can't stand the taste of spermicide," said Howard. "Yeah," added Karen. "And have *you* ever tried to put in a diaphragm in the back of a moving taxi?" This time the Pepsi *did* come out her nose. "Not recently. No." Maria wiped her nose and just shook her head. "Well, anyhow," said Howard. "That fucking into nothing feeling is the *worst*." "Doesn't bother me," said Karen. "Shit, Howard. Just pull out, wipe it off, and try a different position. It's hardly the end of the world." Maria tried to stifle a snicker. "Hey," I said. "I never got to do my 'Best'" "Go on." "The best is the beginnings of things..." Maria put her head on my shoulder and Karen and Howard both said, "Awwww." "...when everything is all magic and electricity." "Oh God. Stop that." "And big tits. Did I mention big tits?" "Wait," said Maria, suddenly rising and heading towards my brother's room. She came back with his old Gibson acoustic guitar, sat down, picked out the notes of an E chord, tuned the guitar and said, "I just had an idea. Listen. It won't sound quite right without a wawa pedal and I have to slow it down, but listen. You know St. Stephen, right?" "Sure." "Uh huh." "Aoxomoxoa, right?" said Karen. Maria had given Karen a crash course in the Dead just before the break. "All right, watch." She played and sang, "Saint Stephen with a rose, in and out of the garden he goes, Country garden in the wind and the rain, Wherever he goes the people all complain." She stopped. "That's great, Maria," said Howard. "Congratulations." "No. But watch. If I slow it down a lot, what about-- "Saint Stephen with a rose, in and out of the garden he goes, When you coming home dad I don't know when but we'll get together then, Son. You know we'll have a good time, then." "Cool, the Grateful Dead Harry Chapin extended dance remix." "Stephen prospered in his time, well he may and he may decline" "When you coming home son I don't know when--" "Well," said Maria. "It was just an idea." Maria had abandoned years of classical piano and voice lessons to follow the Dead around while she was still in high school. When she sings, her phrasing is always a surprise. She says the only reason she got into Penn was during her pre-admission interview the interviewer let slip that he liked country music. Maria then sang "Crazy" for him a capella.(I suppose that *could* get you into Penn, but I'm certain 730 verbal and 700 math had *something* to do with it). She fits in well in a house full of manipulators. She sings with unique phrasings; she can make even the worst pop ditties sound fresh and surprising. It's hardly a wonder that her favorite singers are Billie Holiday, Ricky Lee Jones, Natalie Merchant, and Patsy Cline. "My favorite song on Aoxomoxoa," said Karen, "Is 'What's Become of the Baby'." Maria said, "Oh it is not," and began picking out the beginning to 'Friend of the Devil." Howard started. "I lit out from Reno, I was trailed by twenty hounds Didn't get to sleep last night 'till the morning came around. Set out runnin' but I take my time A friend of the devil is a friend of mine If I get home before daylight, I just might get some sleep tonight." Karen's eyes were heavy-lidded and she pulled Howard onto the sofa and lay down on her side and put her head in his lap. "Sing something to put me to sleep," she said. "Something sad." "Howard," said Maria. "You know the words to 'Taxi'" He said, "I know a little thing about Taxi; Baby, I can guess the rest." Maria directed her eyes to the bong and nudged me. I brought it to her mouth, covered the carburetor with my thumb and lit it. It gurgled as she inhaled. Soon, the red chamber was full of thick smoke. As I moved my thumb away she nodded No and I brought it to my own lips and finished it off. She strummed softly, and Howard smoothed out Karen's hair as he sang. "It was rainin' hard in Frisco, I needed one more fare to make my night. A lady up ahead waved a flag-me-down, She got in at the light. Aw where you gone to, my lady blue It's a shame you ruined your gown in the rain. She just looked out the window She said 16 Parkside Lane." I stretched out on the floor, my head just in front of the guitar on her thigh. "Somethin about her was familiar, I could swear I'd seen her face before But she said 'I'm sure you're mistaken, And she didn't say anything more. ... Then she said How are ya Harry I said How are ya Sue Through the too many miles and the too little smiles I still remember you. It was somewhere in a fairy tale I used to take her home in my car We learned about love in the back of a Dodge The lesson had gone too far. You see she was gonna be an actress And I was gonna learn to fly She took off to find the footlights I took off to find the sky ... Then she handed twenty dollars for a two-fifty fare She said Harry keep the change ... ... Stuffed the bill in my shirt. It's strange how ya never know We'd both gotten what we'd asked for Such a long time ago. You see she was gonna be an actress, And I was gonna learn to fly. She took off to find the footlights, I took off to find the sky. You see, she, she's acting happy Inside her happy home, And me, I'm flying in my taxi, Taking tips and getting stoned. I go flying so high... Next thing we knew, it was morning. We were still in the living room, where we'd all crashed.