BANK JOB
     It *was* Pete, which was unfortunate.  Scratch unfortunate--
awful.  Pete and his Jimmy Durante voice.  Well, the best-laid
plans, right?  What, you're wondering, what plan?  His bank job--
Christ, I still can't believe it was him, it was like some big
cartoon.  That's how my mom described it, a big cartoon.  What was
my mom doing describing it, right?  Well, my dad's editor of our
local paper so...that's right, that's right, you got it:  front
page, eyewitness account--the works.  Why my dad couldn't ask *me*,
I don't know, that's neither here nor there.  The point is, it
shook me up a little and I'm stuck, I'm really stuck.  It was Pete,
it was him, I'm sure it was him.  Oh, I'm gonna be hated for this. 
    Here's how it happens:  Mom and I go to the shopping center. 
She has to make a deposit at the bank, I wanna hit the bookstore. 
But, oh and this is what did it, my mom says Can't you keep me
company for once, home from school not two days and already
galavanting off to blah blah blah blah blah.  The point being, I go
to the bank.  My mom fills out whatever it is she's supposed to
fill out and gets in line.  I'm checking out this teller; she's
ignoring me.  Usual day at the bank, right?  Wrong.
     In come five guys with guns and Halloween masks.  I'm thinking
Why didn't I go to the bookstore Why?  They've planned this well. 
Only one of them does the talking.  The problem, the fatal flaw: 
it's the one with the unmistakable Durante scowl.  He's screaming,
"Everybody on your stomachs, now!" and I'm hearing "A-rinka-dinka-
doo."  Some old guy clutches his chest.  We find out later he had
a heart attack.  Didn't die thank God but still.  The leader speaks
again.  "Hurry," he yells, "hurry."  I hear, "Good night Mrs.
Calabash..."--you know the rest.  The voice is Pete's.  No one but.

No one else possible.  Only the great Schnoz himself, but come
on...
     The three of them jump over the counter and throw all the
loose cash into these bags.  As I've said, they've planned it well.

They get out in under five minutes with over a hundred grand. 
Social Security day.  Five Halloween pranksters making it big.    
 Only this whole time, I'm thinking Hey, I know who it is.  And I
do.  It's Pete, boyhood chum and semi-degenerate.  Kid with a mean
streak but on-third of the Three Musketeers nonetheless.  Kid with
a mom I was in love with for about three years.  Really in love. 
In love like I've never been since.  In love like I have to lie to
my girlfriend when I tell her she's the only one.  In love like I
can't even pick up the phone and turn him in and cash in on tenn
cool g's.
     That's my problem, maybe you've guessed it.  I don't really
give a damn about Pete; I guess I never did.  He was kind of a
bully, mean to my little brother, mean to a lot of people.  But I
loved his mom like I can't even explain.